Forgiveness Acknowledges the Hurt. Certain people think that forgiveness means pretending that the transgression did not hurt. Failing to acknowledge the harm of your better half’s breach of trust is like hurting from a toothache but resisting to go to the dentist. You need to confess to yourself and to your spouse that you are aching. Being truthful about your pain can be just the motivation your partner needs to participate in the restoration. During the confrontation you must attest in no uncertain terms that your better half’s betrayal had tormented you deeply, possibly irreparably. By admitting that you are hurt, you are in a position to exercise forgiveness.
Forgiveness Releases the Offense and the Offender. This will surely take a little bit of time. Questions have to be asked and answered in an honest manner. Emotions need to be experienced and conveyed in an honest manner. This will not come about overnight but in time you will be able to forgive. Does your partner deserve forgiveness? Maybe or maybe not. Will it be easy? No, it will be difficult. Absolving your partner means opting not to chastise him or her, not to seek revenge, either publicly or in secret and not to call for payback for what he or she did. You will reap a tremendous payoff when you let your partner of the hook and both you and your spouse are the beneficiaries.
Forgiveness Relinquishes Resentment. Resentment is an internal devil that roars foul suggestions like, “Get back at him/her” or “Don’t ever forget what he/she did to you”. In order to let go of the transgression, you have to let go of the anger. Resentment feeds hate and it will prohibit you from healing. It diminishes our sense of understanding and undermines the healing of our hearts.
Forgiveness Is an Act of Grace. Forgiveness is basically an deed of grace, a gift of love. You can’t work for grace. You can’t jump through the right hoops to earn it. You can’t perfect your performance in order to deserve it. Grace is merely a gift. Forgiveness means allowing your partner a second chance, not because he or she deserves it, but because you wish to extend grace to your spouse.
If you don’t know how to forgive your partner and you want to learn more about how to heal after the affair then go to www.healyourmarriage.info for a complimentary 21-step Spontaneous Healing Report on how to survive an affair.